It has been months since I’ve published anything on the blog. I’ve been hit or miss on social media. And it is quite reflective of how my life has gone lately. Life has just been….chaotic. I seemed to have lost my rhythm once summer hit. I was teaching summer camps, as well as normal classes, trying to run a bunch of races, become MORE active with the blog, try to have a social life (for once), pull together my 30 by 30 bucket list, and with all of the ADDITIONS…well it all went up in flames basically.
I let go of my stability and little by little my good habits left me. My eating took a turn toward the unhealthy and my activity level with the gym was inconsistent at best. I’d be doing weight training but then the cardio was not as present. I kept saying I was active with all of my classes I was teaching, but in all honesty some classes aren’t as much of a cardio burst as others are. And with the unhealthy eating things have just spiraled.
I’ve made excuses. As to why I let it get that way. But as of today I’m over the excuses. All I know is I’m 10 pounds heavier right now than I was this time last year and it is because of the excuses, and the poor eating and inconsistencies in my exercise program. I feel sluggish. I’ve been sick. I’ve been injured. All because of these poor decisions I’ve made the last few months.
I’ve continued my racing program, but the training for those races has been less than ideal. And I keep looking at myself on a daily basis KNOWING that I’m making bad choices, and KNOWING I am not happy….yet it has continued for months. MONTHS……not good….
Well….I’m sitting here tonight hoping that I’m on a turn for the better. I spent the day being productive. Cleaning, purging bad food from the house, re-hanging my motivation wall in the new bedroom. And setting up reminders for myself around my place.
Reminders that I don’t need to be PERFECT. I just need to try and be better than the day before. That LITTLE improvements are still improvements and I’ll get there with time. I’ll get back to the strength of will I had before. To eat healthy and workout every day. I LOVE those things, and yet lately I have been in the ‘fake it till ya make it’ mode. Waiting to gain my energy back.
I feel the beginnings of thoughts and habits that I used to have during my last weight gain and I. AM. TERRIFIED. But I know that being scared won’t help me. It will only help me drill down this hole I’ve started. So tomorrow is a fresh start. A surge to be better than I have been. To press forward.
To keep my head up. To do little things every day to improve myself. Because I know if I try to fix it ALL at once….I’ll likely get discouraged if I don’t do one thing. A positive attitude is the only way to move forward. To be accountable to myself. To know I want a better life than what I’m living right now.
I write this here not because I’m trying to get the blog up and running again, but because I’m holding myself accountable. I think I tried to take on the world this summer. I tried to be everything to everyone and it backfired.
I’m not SuperWoman…..
Didn’t want to admit it. Because I’ve felt like I have been for awhile now.
Well I’m admitting it. I’m not. I am a normal woman. With fears. With weaknesses.
And now it is back to trying to conquer them. To working on my journey. To not be afriad of it. Because I refuse to shed any more tears over my bad choices. To look in the mirror and feel disgusted with what I see.
To miss out on living life because I’m so down and hard on myself ALL the time. I am only human. I must forgive myself my mistakes. I must acknowledge them and then move on. Not dwell on them. Or feel that I’ve let people down.
That is what I’ve done these last few months. As I have made poor choices…I have seen each of them as a failure to those I love. Or to the readers (if there are any of you left out there…I apologize for being MIA) of this blog. Or anyone else in my life.
I’m going to try and update more frequently with my progress. More of an accountability thing to myself. Because right now the added pressure of being this glowing example of success is just too much. I don’t feel successful right now. I need to get back to the light and fun me first.
Then maybe I can focus on all of the other things in my life.
Share and Enjoy